1. My vagina can't give a monologue! 2. If you would have told me ten years ago I'd be doing this and being received like I am now, I'd say you're crazy.
3. It was like the Beatles had arrived, you know. These four elderly ladies, and they were screaming for us - screaming for us. It was wonderful.
4. There were subjects we tackled that had never been even discussed, like I had an abortion. Nobody ever talked about that.
6. Some people say I'm only happy when I'm working, or not working, I'm happy whether I'm working or not, my animals, my kids, anything.
8. Unfortunately opening night in Minneapolis I fell of the stage.
9. I really feel all my adult life has been spent in that little black box. If a wonderful part on TV came along I would do it. But I don't want to do a recurring role. It would just be my luck that the thing would be successful. I'm old enough now and also secure enough financially that I really only want to do what I want to do.
11. There was so much more we wanted to cover on the show, but since I couldn't get the network censors to budge, I decided to leave the show.
12. There are moments, I'll be home cooking or something, and it comes to me all at once, and I can't believe it.
14. In a theater you have that many more seats, so that many more people, and they are feeding you, telling you how far you can go or what you can do.
15. And of course Mae West when I was very, very young, I thought she was the end.
17. No fruit. No veggie.
18. All this time I've just wanted to be blonde, beautiful and 5 feet 2 inches tall.
19. You see I feel we did the best work we could possibly do, I don't think the writing could be any better, so why go back to it?
21. That's another reason that I don't want to do any more series. It really took up more time than I should have allotted to it.
22. (on the death of Estelle Getty in 2008) Our mother-daughter relationship was one of the greatest comic duo's ever, and I will miss her.
24. And I hate autobiographies, I don't know why.
25. I did a thing on Malcolm in the Middle which I loved.
27. I don't think there was ever an embarrassment, there was such love going back and forth between the audience and us, that nothing was embarrassing.
28. I guess having two kids who are bright and articulate and have great humor and are decent.
30. I'm not playing a role. I'm being myself, whatever the hell that is.
31. I think I always sang, I always used to listen to old Bessie Smith records, and Kate Smith. And Billie Holiday. Before television when there was radio.
33. It's difficult, since Rue lives in New York now, and Estelle is not well at all. It's very sad. Of course, while you're working, you're like family. You swear you'll never lose each other, and then of course you do.
34. After being in the business for such a long time, I've done everything but rodeo and porno.
36. Down in Florida it was an older audience, and it was interesting to see how they responded to things compared to other audiences, it's been very interesting.
37. You know, I spend most of my life turning things down. There's a lot of crap out there.
39. It's so rewarding when you hear the audience respond.
40. I thought nobody would come just to see me sing. I knew it would have to be an evening of comedy, also.
41. Later, of course, people felt we were doing so much to further the cause of mature women.
43. I actually talk a lot about how TV has changed.
44. I watch a lot of news shows and I love Nick at Night, and the Comedy Channel.
45. Making lasting gifts for animals in our estate plans is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to ensure animals have the strongest possible voice for their protection.
47. I'm having so much damned fun. Especially once I heard the audience response.
48. Except I really wanted to be a small little blonde musical type in the movies. I wanted to be a starlet.
50. But I did like the fact that we did a lot of good in presenting problems that had not been tackled before on television.
51. I can't say it's autobiographical, but I do tell a number of anecdotes that I think are amusing.
53. Life is filled with a lot of stuff, you know. There is never a dull moment.
54. PETA has a proven track record of success. Each victory PETA wins for the animals is a stepping stone upon which we build a more compassionate world for all beings - and we will never give up our fight until all animals are treated with respect and kindness.
56. I suddenly realized that comedy, for me, was just being honest, and playing it for real. I've seen so many wonderful actors who turn into creatures from another planet when they're told they are supposed to be playing comedy.
57. But I've been doing it most of my adult life, and I like the idea of a one woman show, because it's something I can do when I want to, and not to it when I don't want to do it.
59. I've been blessed with both shows, with that and with Maude, working with terrific writers and directors.
60. My opening night at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis... has a thrust stage. I thought I was walking into the wings, and I walked right into the pit.
62. Lucy was lovely.
63. I've lost quite a bit of weight since I did Maude, but I don't see myself looking better, I think I look older. Because I am!
65. Every time you perform you learn a little bit more.
66. Except for one thing, I no longer do benefits for research, I do benefits to make sure the people who are infected are taken care of are treated, and fed and housed, and their lives made a little easier.
67. So what does it all mean? You become a popular TV personality. Fifteen million viewers weekly. Top ratings.
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