1. Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. 2. As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
3. Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
6. The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
7. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
8. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people….that's why I don't like any of them.
10. My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
11. The most out-there thing I'm saying is: "Don't have babies. Don't get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that".
12. Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
14. Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
15. This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.
17. I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.
18. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
19. My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
21. In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say: "Sorry, we're open".
22. Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.
23. I call myself a "domestic goddess".
24. Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
26. Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
29. Let's take back the real estate between our ears and get green like a son of a bitch.
30. I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.
32. It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
33. Excuse the mess but we live here.
34. In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.
35. My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
38. Abortion is a woman's right.
39. "Winning" in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
41. The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.
What do you think of Roseanne Barr's quotes?
Feel free to comment and share this blog post if you find it interesting!
You have read this article Celebrities /
Funny
with the title Roseanne Barr Quotes. You can bookmark this page URL http://princess-protectionprogram.blogspot.com/2013/04/roseanne-barr-quotes.html. Thanks!
