1. I shot through my twenties like a luminous thread through a dark needle, blazing toward my destination: Nowhere. 2. I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things. It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness.
6. There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.
7. Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.
8. You know how I always seem to be struggling, even when the situation doesn't call for it?
10. Leia follows me like a vague smell.
11. What worries me is, what if this guy is really the one for me and I just haven't had enough therapy yet for me to be comfortable with having found him.
13. I've got to stop getting obsessed with human beings and fall in love with a chair. Chairs have everything human beings have to offer, and less, which is obviously what I need. Less emotional feedback, less warmth, less approval, less patience and less response. The less the merrier. Chairs it is. I must furnish my heart with feelings for furniture.
15. Certainly there are people who like me, but then there are those who don't know me who gossip about me. You can't believe the things I've heard.
16. Having waited my entire life to get an award for something, anything…I now get awards all the time for being mentally ill. It's better than being bad at being insane, right? How tragic would it be to be runner-up for Bipolar Woman of the Year?
18. I don't want to be thought of as a survivor because you have to continue getting involved in difficult situations to show off that particular gift, and I'm not interested in doing that anymore.
20. I envy people who have the capacity to sit with another human being and find them endlessly interesting, I would rather watch TV. Of course this becomes eventually known to the other person.
21. I really love the internet. They say chat-rooms are the trailer park of the internet but I find it amazing.
22. My mother's career was over at 40 but she was still trying to be everyone's buddy, always smiling for the cameras.
25. Sometimes I feel like I've got my nose pressed up against the window of a bakery, only I'm the bread.
26. Sometimes I think all I want to find is a mean guy and make him be nice to me. Or maybe a nice guy who's a little bit mean to me. But they're usually too nice too soon or too mean too long.
28. I like performing. I like partnering with an audience.
29. My father was a joyous, joyous spirit, he really was. He was a hedonist, that was just - he enjoyed life, thrust up to the elbows with it. He was a terrible father. I don't know that he was parented that well.
31. Now I say I'm a diarist with an explanation I'll get back to you on. Someday I may try and write in memoir form.
32. I think of my body as a side effect of my mind.
33. People see me and they squeal like tropical birds or seals stranded on the beach.
35. In my opinion, a problem derails your life and an inconvenience is not being able to get a nice seat on the un-derailed train.
37. I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.
38. From here on out, there's just reality. I think that's what maturity is: a stoic response to endless reality. But then, what do I know?
40. No motive is pure. No one is good or bad-but a hearty mix of both. And sometimes life actually gives to you by taking away.
41. Acting engenders and harbours qualities that are best left way behind in adolescence.
42. The world of manic depression is a world of bad judgment calls.
44. As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
45. So when I was 24, someone suggested to me that I was bipolar, and I thought that was ridiculous. I just thought he was trying to get out of treating me. But he was also responding to the chaotic nature of my life.
47. I think that the truth is a really stern taskmistress.
48. My inner world seems largely to consist of three rotating emotions: embarrassment, rage, and tension. Sometimes I feel excited, but I think that's just positive tension.
49. Drugs made me feel more normal.
51. You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.
53. I quote fictional characters, because I'm a fictional character myself!
54. Do you or do you not like wearing earrings in your mouth that will one day smell like your ex-boyfriend's dick?
55. You can't find true affection in Hollywood because everyone does the fake affection so well.
57. He's a very strange guy, my father. I can't get mad at him because he's so adorable.
58. I don't want to be a victim.
59. Never let 'em see you ache. That's what Mr. Mayer used to say. Or was it ass? Never let 'em see your ass.
61. I signed my likeness away. Every time I look in the mirror, I have to send Lucas a couple of bucks.
63. You're not really famous until you're a Pez dispenser.
64. I was born into big celebrity. It could only diminish.
65. I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to BE art.
66. If wishes were horses mine would be glue.
68. I was street smart, but unfortunately the street was Rodeo Drive.
69. I did the traditional thing with falling in love with words, reading books and underlining lines I liked and words I didn't know. It was something I always did.
71. Instant gratification takes too long.
72. As we all know, there is no underwear in space.
74. I have a chemical imbalance that, in its most extreme state, will lead me to a mental hospital.
75. Instant gratification takes too long.
76. Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses." I did masses of opiates religiously.
78. I have a mess in my head sometimes, and there's something very satisfying about putting it into words. Certainly it's not something that you're in charge of, necessarily, but writing about it, putting it into your words, can be a very powerful experience.
80. I have two moods. One is Roy, rollicking Roy, the wild ride of a mood. And Pam, sediment Pam, who stands on the shore and sobs…Sometimes the tide is in, sometimes it's out.
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