1. A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. 2. Keep separate bank accounts. I always have; not because my husbands don't trust me but because I don't trust myself.
3. As a woman, you have to choose between your fanny or your face. I chose my face.
5. You just cannot drive a Rolls-Royce in Beverly Hills anymore because they have it in for you.
6. I don't consider any of my marriages mistakes. They were all good experiences and I learned something important from each. From my first marriage to the Turkish ambassador, I learned how to be a diplomat. From Conrad Hilton I learned how to be a good housekeeper and frugal. From George Sanders I started to learn how to become an actress and a neurotic. From my fourth husband, Herbert Huttner, I learned how to become rich on investments. And from my fifth husband, I learned you should always look at your horoscope before you marry a Texan who is in the New York Social Register.
8. A successful romance is like a game of tug-of-war.
9. When you are married to an actor, you feel you are nothing but an understudy to him. He only has eyes for himself. It is really the one situation I know of where, with just two people you have a triangle.
11. I'm a compulsive buyer. Anything beautiful I see I want. That's how we got the Waldorf Astoria. I told Conrad Hilton: "I want the Waldorf," and he bought it. The only problem was I divorced him before the escrow was finished.
13. But remember, playing hard-to-get comes after he thinks he's got you. If you play hard-to-get while he's playing hard-to-get then nobody gets anybody.
15. Let's face it, nine times out of ten, intellectual men would rather go to bed with a good book. Which just goes to show how unintelligent an intelligent person can be.
16. Diamonds are a better investment for a married woman than anything else because if it should ever happen that some day you wind up getting a divorce and all the property is being divided up, your husband will probably say, if he is a gentleman: "We will share all of the other property, but you go ahead and keep all your diamonds. After all, I can't wear them." (I hope you are married to that type of man, because some men I know, they'll wear them).
19. What a clever girl, that Elizabeth Taylor. Every time she gets married she gets a better and bigger diamond. I don't know where that will end, but I don't like it.
20. People say you can't go wrong with a blue-chip stock like AT&T, but what happens when finally everybody gets sick and tired of the phone ringing every time they are doing something important that shouldn't be interrupted, like taking a bath or cooking a soufflé or making love, and they say: "The hell with it" and rip their phones out by the roots, which I feel like doing more and more all the time.
22. It's never as easy to keep your own spouse happy as it is to make someone else's spouse happy.
24. Sometimes a language barrier will keep love alive longer.
25. The minute I understand a man, he is no longer exciting and a challenge to me. And the last thing in the world I want is for a man to understand me and know what's always going on inside my head. It takes away from all my mystery, which, as I've told you before, is the most important thing between a man and a woman.
27. If you catch that wonderful man, what does age matter? After all, love is blind, and it is also not good at arithmetic.
29. Unfortunately, it's true that most of the men I choose are the type most women would be attracted to, because I'm such a careful shopper.
30. I tell you, in this world being a little crazy helps to keep you sane.
31. Love should be an inspiration, not an obligation.
33. Let's face it: love and marriage are really two entirely different animals, like tigers and horses. You hardly ever find them living together in the same cage. Not for very long, anyway.
34. Any woman who slops around the house all the time with grease on her face and curlers in her hair in front of her husband is a dumb woman. If he stands for it, he's not genius himself.
36. I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
37. It's not hard to find a new husband, but someone who is, for an example, a good bridge partner for you comes along once in a lifetime.
38. I never go out with women in the evening. I'd rather shoot myself. My most favorite joke is that to keep a marriage, the husband should have a night out with the boys and the wife should have a night out with the boys, too.39. Love can last only when it has some big obstacle to get around - like (a) husband. It's Proust who said it. He never got a divorce. He never got married either.
41. Oscar Wilde once said: "I can resist everything except temptation." Personally, I can resist every temptation but marriage.
42. Remember - the only place men want depth in their women is in her décolletage.
44. Being jealous of a beautiful woman is not going to make you more beautiful.
45. It is unfortunately true that the only man who will always ask you to marry him immediately is the one you would never marry.
46. What is really important for a woman, you know, even more than being beautiful or intelligent, is to be entertaining.
48. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
49. Every girl should be married at least once in her life. It's a must. Because once you have been married, you are a Mrs., and even if the marriage doesn't work out, they can't take that away from you.
51. I would not advise any girl to marry a man just because he is rich. I absolutely believe in that Scottish proverb that says: "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper."
52. Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
54. I call everyone "Darling" because I can't remember their names.
55. They say that all men basically prefer rounded women, sweet wine, and Tchaikovsky. If you want to be attractive to a man, you should have a little flesh and not be just bones like a Harper's Bazaar or Vogue model. All men I ever met in my life, when they look at those model's pictures, said: "My God, how could I ever make love to that?" (They could…and do, believe me.)
57. Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.
58. When the young girl who is married to the older man gets mature herself, the man she has been married with has probably dropped dead. This, of course, is an ideal marriage.
59. Don't ever buy imitation furs, because that's worse than death.
61. You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
62. I have noticed that often the more romantic a man is before marriage, the less he is after. At least with his wife.
63. If you have a chinchilla coat that is two or three years old and is too out of style for you to wear any more, go to your furrier and have him make out of it a nice lining for your raincoat, which is even more chic than it would be on the outside. Or else you can always make a chinchilla bath mat out of it.
64. There is a lot more sex lying around than most men know how to handle.
65. I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.
67. There's no better money to spend than your own.
69. One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.
70. I couldn't endure living in a harem, not even if I were the favorite (which, of course, I would be, if only because I would have poisoned all the others). Also, in a harem the only men you would be allowed to talk to, besides your husband, would be eunuchs, and I've had enough of them since I have lived in Hollywood.
72. No matter what a man is an expert in, he always thinks he's also an expert at being a lover.
73. How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
74. As I have always said: "Three's company, but four's an orgy." And orgies are not good for anybody - except Fellini, who films them just beautifully.
76. If you can fight directly with your mother you can save a fortune in psychiatrist's bills.
77. To be loved is a strength. To love is a weakness.
78. As far as I am concerned, you shouldn't look twice at a mama's boy. In fact, not even once.
80. As for custody, this is pretty easy to figure out. You keep all the young children and let their father have the ones that are over eighteen or twenty. This is because of three reasons: 1. The older ones are never home anyway. 2. The older ones are a big headache to take care of. 3. They give away your age.
82. The best way to attract a man immediately is to have a magnificent bosom and a half-size brain and let both of them show. If you already have these two things, though, you probably aren't reading this because you don't need to. You are too busy beating men off with a baseball bat. Also I hope for you that you don't spend too much of your time reading.
83. Macho does not prove mucho.
85. We were both in love with him. I fell out of love with him, but he didn't.
86. One of the best places to definitely not find a man is Hollywood.
88. You are much better off staying home and being the prettiest girl in Paris, New York, Chicago and Budapest rather than the 27,304th prettiest girl in Hollywood.
89. When I'm alone, I can sleep crossways in bed without an argument.
90. If you even can just barely stand a man in, say: "Pittsburgh, you'll adore him in Paris. I guarantee it". On the other hand, if you should find a man in Paris, by all means leave him in Paris, because if you take him somewhere else, you'll find that it wasn't the man, but, as the song goes, it was Paris that you loved.
92. I'd rather be hit by a gorgeous man than an ugly one.
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